I don’t really know how to start this one.
I’ve been sitting with it for a while, actually. Typing and deleting. Typing and deleting. Because there’s a version of this that sounds like a victim story, and that’s not what this is. And there’s a version that sounds entirely unbothered and cool about it, and that’s not entirely true either.
So I’ll just say it plainly.
Bullying is exhausting. Not just the loud, obvious kind. All of it. The small, daily friction that nobody around you seems to notice, or maybe they notice and say nothing, which is its own thing entirely. The kind at school that you think will stop when you grow up. The kind at work that shocks you because you really thought adults would know better by now.
Spoiler: They don’t always. It just changes shape. That's all it does.
At some point, and I couldn’t tell you exactly when, I found this world. K-pop, K-dramas, this whole universe that felt warm in a way that not a lot of things did at the time. I want to be careful how I say this, because it sounds dramatic, but it genuinely felt like somewhere to breathe. It was my version of a digital detox before I even knew I needed one.
And then someone called me a Koreaboo..
You know how it goes. Like being deeply moved by a culture, its music, its stories, its people, and its food is somehow a personality flaw. Like finding joy in something outside my immediate bubble is the "weird" thing about me.
I’ve even had people tell me I don’t fit the "mold" of what a fan should be. But you don’t LOOK like a FAN !! is a phrase I’ve heard so often it’s become white noise. It’s as if people have a specific image in their head of who is "allowed" to love this culture, and if you don't match that aesthetic, your interest is questioned or mocked.
And the people who loved it so much they actually moved to Korea? Even worse, apparently. Because committing fully to something that makes you happy is hilarious to some people.
I genuinely do not understand it. I have tried. I don’t.
And it’s not just us, the regular people navigating this quietly. The idols go through it too. Antis who wake up every morning with a mission. Fandoms at war with each other over things that started so small nobody even remembers the spark. Rumors, and I want to sit with that word for a second because rumors are not gossip. Rumors are a strategy. Rumors are how you take someone apart slowly and politely and make it look like you’re "just asking questions".
Rumors spread so fast. By the time anyone says anything, the story has already been written.
I find myself checking certain social platforms less and less these days. Not because I stopped caring, but because I care too much and those spaces sometimes feel like they were designed to make caring hurt. When I’m trying to embrace a slow living lifestyle, I realized I don't have to participate in the chaos.
To protect that peace, I’ve invested in tools that help me tune out the noise; literally. Putting on my Noise-Canceling Headsets is my physical boundary. It’s how I signal to the world that I’m retreating into my own sanctuary, where the only thing that matters is the story on my screen or the melody in my ears.
So here’s where I landed.
I got quieter. Not about what I love, I’m still very much that person, clearly; you’re reading this. But about who I share it with. I stopped trying to explain myself to people who had already made up their minds about me. I stopped offering up the things that make me happy to people who I knew would handle them carelessly.
It’s not seclusion, exactly. It’s more like... knowing my table. Knowing who gets a seat and who doesn’t. And being okay with a smaller table if it means everyone sitting at it actually belongs there.
No explanation needed. No convincing.
They already know that this isn't about some surface-level trend; it’s about a deep appreciation for a culture that offers a sense of belonging when the rest of the world feels cold. For those of us who want to keep those memories safe, I always keep my After the Encore Memory Journal close by. It’s where the real, unpolished joy goes; the stuff I don't feel like defending to strangers on the internet.
I kept those people. I kept my peace.
I’m still here. Still fully in this. Still that girl. Just a little more careful with the door.